Case: Pending Jebediah Crumplesnatch vs Bloggy Woggy

Evidence:

Evidence part #2:

Evidence part #3:

Evidence part #4

Evidence 5 ^

Plaintiff: Jebediah Crumplesnatch
Defendant: Blogy Wogy
The Defendant is required to appear before the District Court in the case of Jebediah Crumplesnatch v. Blogy Wogy. Failure to do so within 48 hours may result in a default judgement. The Court asks both parties to familiarize themselves with the relevant court documents, appropriate formats, and the law, especially as referenced in the complaint. Please ensure all court orders are followed.

If you wish to hold this trial in person at the Azalea Isles Courthouse, indicate so in your response. The Court will work with both parties to try and hold hearings at convenient times.

Signed,
District Court Justice Fauz Wolfe

I'll be representing myself ur honor. I would like to do in-game trial over the stage vc for this hearing.

Thank you for your swift response. Please let me know your timezone and general availability. If the Plaintiff agrees to this request, the Court asks he provides the same information so a hearing can be scheduled as soon as possible.

Your Honor, I am prepared to make a solemn effort to appear in your court. I'll even clear my schedule, which is far more polished than a certain plaintiff's, let's say... crowning glory or lack thereof.

My time is a precious commodity, much like a fully-functioning hairline. I can offer you Monday or Wednesday, 1-5 PM PST. I'd offer a weekend, but I have a standing appointment with my haircare specialist, a concept I'm sure is utterly foreign to the plaintiff. I have to maintain my reputation, and my luscious locks, someone has to! So, let's get this bald-faced lie of a lawsuit over with. Which day works for the docket? And please, advise Mr. Fergie to bring a hat. The glare from the truth can be harsh on a scalp that's seen more desert sun than a tumbleweed.

Motion for Sanctions
Your honour, the behaviour of the defendant is unacceptable. Charged with making slanderous accusations about myself, he comes to this place and continues to make them repeatedly. Not only is he continuing to commit the very crime that has brought him before this court, your honour, but by doing so he is in breach of the Judicial Standing Orders which quite clearly state

“1. The court recognizes that the tone and intent of the filer are often apparent in legal documents; however, all officers of the court, including parties, counsel, and other participants, are expected to minimize editorial commentary, personal opinions, and ad hominem attacks in their submissions. Filings should focus on factual and legal arguments, adhering to the professional standards of courtroom decorum.”.

Additionally, he has failed to refer to me correctly. I am not, nor have I ever been “Mr Fergie”. I am The Honourable Lord Jebediah Crumplesnatch, and I would thank him to refer to me as such moving forwards, as is in-keeping with the laws of our nation.


Motion for Temporary Injunction
Given that I’m sure the judiciary has no interest in hearing me sue the numerous individuals who are continuing to make slanderous comments about me in separate cases, I would hereby ask for a temporary injunction against individuals from stating or implying that I am bald, or that my follicular situation is anything other than a healthy head of hair. If not granted, I will happily bring forward cases against *all* companies and individuals who are making these false claims, however given that this includes both current members of the judiciary, this will cause a legal crisis and likely block and cases of actual significance from being heard in a timely manner, so it is not my preferred outcome.


Response
I reject the defendants proposal to hold this trial in game.

The Court is prepared to accept the Motion for Sanctions. The Defendant is asked to save the unnecessary commentary, and to uphold court standards. Noncompliance could result in contempt of court charges.

The Motion for Temporary Injunction is hereby denied, as it is unconstitutional to provide such injunctive relief. Additionally, it is your right as a citizen to bring forward cases of which you have standing.

The Defendant has 48 hours to proceed with proper court structure, and respond to the Plaintiff’s case file. There are resources in the Court Library under Case Structure to assist you.

Your Honor,

We respectfully request that this Court deny the Plaintiff’s laughable motion for a temporary injunction. The Plaintiff’s argument is so fragile it would blow away in a light breeze, much like the last few strands of hair he’s clinging to. To grant a temporary injunction, the Plaintiff must prove, at a minimum, a likelihood of success on the merits and irreparable harm. He can prove neither.

1. No Likelihood of Success on the Merits: The Plaintiff’s entire case rests on the fantasy that we have defamed him. Truth is an absolute defense. One cannot be defamed by facts, no matter how baldly stated. His case is dead on arrival, and this motion is its unflattering last photo.
2. No Irreparable Harm: The Plaintiff claims he is suffering “irreparable harm” to his reputation. What reputation? The man is a public figure whose most notable feature is a scalp shinier than the court’s bench. We are merely commentators on a matter of public record. The only thing being irreparably harmed here is the court’s patience.

The Plaintiff is not seeking to prevent harm; he is seeking to silence criticism. This motion is a transparent attempt to use this Court as a cheap toupee to cover up the bald truth. For these reasons, we urge the Court to deny this motion with all the force of a gust of wind on a sunbaked head.

Lastly, please note that I will not refer to the Plaintiff as "The Honourable Lord Jebediah Crumplesnatch." He chose to file this frivolous suit as simply "Jebediah Crumplesnatch," and I will respect his chosen level of gravitas, which appears to be zero.

Motion for Sanctions

Your honour, this is a farce. The defendant has shown quite clearly that he holds little disregard for your rulings and has further acted against court decorum and continued to slander me.

Motion for Sanctions

The Azalean Honourifics Act specifically states the following:

(c) MPs who serve more than 2 full terms in the House will be referred to as “The Honourable … MP”
(i) Upon leaving Parliament, they will keep “The Honourable” even though they are no longer an MP.

Will be referred to as.

The defendant has no grounds to disregard these titles and has not only decided to disregard the law but has once again chosen to insult me in numerous ways unbecoming of this courtroom. If the defendant dislikes this he can take it up with his MP, but until such a time that the law changes, he should follow it, especially in your courtroom.

Motion for Summary Judgement

Your honour, this case is quite simple. I have hair. I will happily provide pictures showing as much, and have provided witness statements corroborating my hairs existence. This is not up for debate.

The defendant has been granted opportunity to defend his actions but has instead chosen to insult both me, and the court by wasting its time in a disrespectful manner. With this in mind, I ask for a summary judgement to save us both from having to tolerate this infantile behaviour.

Your Honor,

The Plaintiff’s latest response is so devoid of legal substance it’s almost impressive. It’s the conversational equivalent of a comb-over: a pathetic attempt to cover up a glaring emptiness with a few flimsy strands of argument. Let’s be clear, since the Plaintiff seems to be struggling with the fundamentals:

1. Truth is an Absolute Defense. We have stated a fact. The Plaintiff is, by any objective measure, follicly challenged. He can no more sue me for stating this than he could sue a mirror for showing him a reflection. His feelings are not facts, and his lawsuit is not a cause of action.
2. This is the Definition of Frivolous. The Plaintiff admits his own vanity is the root of this suit. The court is not a spa for wounded egos. His claim fails to meet even the most basic legal standards and should be dismissed before it wastes another second of this Court’s valuable time.

His motion for an injunction is a desperate plea for a court-ordered gag to silence the truth. We suggest he invest the filing fees in a quality barber instead. It would be a far more productive use of his resources and time.

Our final position is this: The Plaintiff’s entire case is a sham. We will not be bullied into silence by a man whose pride is as fragile as his remaining hair follicles.

We stand by my Motion to Dismiss and urge the Court to grant it immediately.

The first Motion for Sanctions is accepted. The Defendant is asked to please see my message above, where I accept the Motion for Sanctions and deny the Temporary Injunction. Again, Mr Wogy, you are being asked to refrain from unnecessary commentary in your responses. Phrases such as “much like the last few strands of hair”, “no matter how baldly stated”, “whose most notable feature is a scalp shinier than the court’s bench”, “whose pride is as fragile as his remaining hair follicles”etc, as these statements do not align with proper court decorum, and rather are insulting. I will give you one more chance, considering you may not have seen my previous message where I accept the Motion for Sanctions. Further noncompliance will result in contempt of court charges, as this behavior will no longer be tolerated in my courthouse.

The second Motion for Sanctions is denied. The Court can not constitutionally force citizens to refer to you by your earned title. I would like to note it is the respectful and polite thing to do however.

The Motion for Summary Judgement is denied for now, assuming the Defendant does not repeat his mistakes, familiarizes himself with the law and proper case structure, responds to the case file with proper structure (as shown in the Court Library under Case Structure), and does so in a timely manner (within 48 hours). Should the Defendant ignore this order, the Court will move forward with a summary judgement and contempt of court charges.

The Defendant’s Motion to Dismiss is also denied. Motions to Dismiss are awarded when a clear lack of standing in the matter is shown. As this is not the case, the Court asks we please move along.

You’re welcome, and thank you for your amendment. The Plaintiff has 48 hours to present an opening statement.